These are my neighbors. I call them the Bully Boys. These two pretty much stick together, terrorizing the neighborhood. I see kids swinging their backpacks at them on their way to school and grown ups throwing stones at them on their way to the Commuter Rail. Did I say stones? I meant rocks. One Saturday morning I heard a kerfuffle in the street and looked out to see a man crazily whipping his belt at them. He was red in the face, sweating profusely, and fighting for his life. I ran outside in my slippers to calm everyone down. It took longer to asuage the man than the turkeys. He kept telling me they were attacking him. He was terrified.
The thing about the Bully boys is this: aggression doesn’t work. If you throw a rock at them they’ll come after you. If you swing a stick at them and yell, they’ll fan out their tails and make that crazy noise they make. And they don’t “gobble”, it sounds more like they have some sort of turkey waddle-thing inside their throats which they gargle with. It’s a very peculiar sound.
The poor man with the belt asked me where they live. He said he sees them all the time, they try to get him when he gets in his car. He said he was going to get a BB gun. I told him it wouldn’t work. I said that squirt guns are very effective and he should get one. I showed him the one my son uses to protect all the kids on our street. He said he couldn’t walk around with a child’s toy. I guess he thought the BB gun was more mature. Even though he sees them everyday he didn’t believe me when I told them they live here. This is where they live. This is their neighborhood too.
I get a huge kick out of them. They are hilarious. They are funny looking and sounding and their behavior is perverse. There is something prehistoric about them which charms the pants off me. I like to see the beasts fly up onto our roofs and into our trees. I think we have fewer grubs in our lawns and I don’t mind cleaning up a little gravely turkey poo. I think it’s a riot that I am constantly yelling at the kids, “Don’t tease The turkeys!” (teasing doesn’t work). But I am definitely in the minority. Even my outdoorsy husband would like to see them move on. I don’t think that’s very likely. The Bully boys have quite a lovely flock of hens to choose from. Although I can’t imagine how the girls could really think those weird dangling things hanging from their chests are really sexy.
In knitting news, I got to test knit Susan Ashcroft’s Hogwarts Express. This is a great little shawl/scarf, lots of relaxing fun to knit, and I love Owls even more than I love turkeys.
I enjoyed knitting in the beads, which I’ve never done before, and I want to make another, slightly bigger, one soon. After all my Holiday knitting (oh yeah, baby) is done.
Happy Thanksgiving everybody. Don’t let the turkeys get you down.